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| I just turned 23 (yesterday, it's 0209 currently) and I'd like to admit that it is scarier than most people anticipate. The whole "I'm old" line that I've been repeating all day is actually a metaphor for "I'm kind of scared, kind of nervous, and kind of unsettled" about life.
My pride wants to shout and scream, "Don't give me your Christian answers!" Not because I don't care, but because sometimes emotions are hard to handle despite strong theological cold hard facts. I just want to revel in my emotions right now and let the peace of God comfort me. I want what the angel promised when he said, "peace on the earth" as he announced the birth of Christ. I know "whose" I am, I know God has plans for me, but sometimes the weight of uncertainty is too heavy to be lifted with trite answers. I know He loves me. I know He has great plans for me. I just can't feel him right now, and I want to. Maybe this calloused, cold, crooked, and unkind heart needs to soften a little.
I can't believe I'm asking for emotional comfort from God, something I use to loathe and belittle in other believers.
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| I did the "all night of prayer" on campus Saturday morning. Our dorm was scheduled 5am-6am. By the time I had reached the "Surrender" table set-up, I couldn't utter prayer without hot tears streaming down my face. Surrender this and surrender that; it requires more than I'd like to admit to be a follower of the Holy One. It requires everything.
I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but
Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith
in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. Galatians 2:20 | | |
| I took a Pediatrics class last semester and for one of my independent (observational) clinicals, I went to an emergency children's shelter & forensic center. Afterwards a questionaire from the Dean of the nursing dept. had to be answered. Here's one of my replies:
How did this enhance your understanding of Pediatric Nursing?
This
experience changed my outlook on the human spirit. Lifestyles that I
had only seen in the news, on TV, and condemned in church, I saw in
these children. The child development workers, the clinical director,
the therapist, the nurse, and other staff members who are involved in
their care and diagnosis have to be strong emotionally and spiritually
to encounter such broken lives. I realized that Pediatric Nursing
may involve cute babies and adorable kids, but Pediatric Nursing
expands into the not-so-pretty complications of childhood. The things
that should never be done to a human being, things that children are
not ready for nor should ever experience, have become a lifestyle to
some of these children. Pediatric nursing takes a lot of compassion,
because it is not easy to look at these children and maintain a smile
and positive outlook when they are withdrawn and depressed, their legs
are bleeding from self-inflicted cuts, and there is no place they can
call home.
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